Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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