I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
