she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
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