There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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