i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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