I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
