I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
