This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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