I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
