Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
