He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Randomize
