No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
