Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
