I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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