My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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