Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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