your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
