So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
