he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
