Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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