Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
