i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
