You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
