Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
