I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
