yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
