i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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