i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
