Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
