i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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