i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
