Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i've created a new STD.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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