this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
