You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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