You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
