So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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