So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
