she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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