This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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