it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
