glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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