I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
