Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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