True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
