Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
