Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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