I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
