Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
