i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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