That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
