we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
