thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
God I need to hump something, right now.
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