I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
