Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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