I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
