Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
