you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
