ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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