We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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