garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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