Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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