how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
