I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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