White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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