She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
