Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
