this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
