I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
