OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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