I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
