the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
