I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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