Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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