so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am one with the molecules
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
