Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
