just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
